Anyway, I wasn't ready to sleep at 10pm. So, I went outside to see what all would be going on, since some other dorms had their fire alarms also going off.
I see all these people in groups talking, listening to music from their cars, in groups smoking... running around with their Lackland Lasers.... and it kinda got me down...
Back a few years ago, Colby, Aaron, Chewie, and others would have gotten together and been the rowdiest ones.... Now, colby and Aaron are in Germany, and Chewie is on temporary duty... and event when he gets back he is just going to move to England.
I don't socialize with most people here because I don't like most people here. All they want to do is drink and fuck around. I used to drink with the guys all the time, but we did it as a social thing, sitting around and having fun, not breaking windows or driving drunk.
On top of it, that stupid knowledge of "this shit is going to last until they say so" kills me. I have no friends here. I have no future here. This place is a fucking black hole that swallows people whole and gives them no better choice but to stay in the military because you don't know anything else.
I know something else... and it kills me that people who don't are going to be the ones holding me back from having a better life than this. Keeping me in a stale cookie jar to wait until they lift the lid and let me out.
Every time I shave before work I'm bitter.
Every time I get a hair cut I mumble curses.
My military experience does not reflect anyone elses. Its a very fine institution for some people... but I'm done. I'm sick of it, and what makes it worse... is that my 4 years aren't up yet. I still have a few months to go. Yet, everyday is like punishment. the Montgomery GI bill wasn't worth it.
I'm going to be one broke mother fucker once I get out of the service.
4 more months of BS until my DOS (date of separation)
and there is the possibility there may be more.
One of these days.... it is very possible I'm not going to be able to take anymore and crack. There have been a few days already where I was on the brink... but didn't crack...
I've got things to do....