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Pirate Jack (concept)

Arrrr... Ye Land lubbers ne'er heard the tale of Pirate Jack?

Ye missin' the greatest stories of all the sea folk!

Whilst at sea on a stormy night, Pirate Jack was writing a letter to his dear Emily. The letter was to be sent by parcel post at the next port. Yet, Pirate Jack never made it to the next port. The storm swelled and tossed his vessel, the Titania Britannica, relentlessly. Helping his crew batn'in' hatches and the sort, Pirate Jack was tossed to sea by the mighty waves.

His crew made it to the port by noon of the next day. Lacking their Captain, Pirate Jack. They swore that they would continue to sail the seas until their beloved Captain was found.

Whilst, out to sea Pirate Jack floated on a piece of the ship that had broken free. Searching his pockets for something eatable he came upon his letter to Emily. Quickly, using a sharpened feather from his trusty feathered friend Jacques, Pirate Jack drew his own blood and finished his letter to his dearest Emily. In his other pocket was a bottle of liquor, which he had also quickly diminished. Pirate Jack stuffed the letter to Emily into the bottle, corked it and tossed it in the direction in which he believed shore would be. Hoping on all hopes that Emily would eventually receive the letter.

As Pirate Jack prayed, Poseidon, the God of the Seas, reached up and grabbed the bottle with the letter and announced, "If you ever want to be with your darling Emily again, you will have to appease me first Pirate Jack."

Surprised, Jack almost slipped off his piece of lumber, "Arr, whost be the crazy loud voiced man which threatens the great Pirate Jack!"

Upset, Poseidon lurched from the seas and thrust his trident into the air. "I am Poseidon, God of the Seas! How dare you, a patron of my waves and currents dare speak to me in such a manner?"

Jack squinted, again almost slipping of the wood, "aaaahhhh... I've heard stories about you. Your one of them gay fishy men aren't yah, with a tail and such."

Poseidon, enraged, pulled the seas upward to the sky. Sending Pirate Jack into the clouds, and up to his own face. "I AM A GOD, Pirate Jack. YOU ARE A BUG TO ME! AND THE ONLY WAY THIS LITTLE BUG WILL KEEP FROM BEING SQUISHED IS IF HE DOES MY BIDDING!"

Pirate Jack, inebriated and uncaring flinched at the God's sea breath, "Arr, yeah yeah... just quit with the breathing on me."

With that Poseidon laughed and all was normal. The sea was level and quiet... and the voice of Poseidon was distant, "Remember, you agreed to do my bidding."

Pirate Jack mumbled, and cozied up on his plank to take a mid-day nap. He awoke on the shore of California. Confused, and out of place, Pirate Jack looked about.

his prestigious peg leg had turned into nothing but a swab handle - not to mention the leg right next to it.
His wonderful feathered friend Jacques was a hollow, cheap lawn ornament (something you would find at Stein's Garden and Gifts)
He could see out of both eyes - noticing because his eye patch was off center.
and the horrendous hook had been replaced by a perfectly good hand - that just naturally set to the shape of a hook.

And a bum walked up to Pirate Jack. "Could you spare some change?"

"Arr! I'm Pirate Jack, I spare change for no man!" Jack roared.

The bum's look became stern, "I'll give you a letter from Poseidon if you spare some change."

Pirate Jack was stunned. Poseidon?! Curious, he dug into his pockets and dug out a few pieces of copper and tossed them to the bum.

The bum eagerly jumped for the money and practically threw the letter at Jack before running off yelling, "I'm rich! I'm rich!"

Opening the letter Jack read:

Don't be frightened Pirate Jack. You've been sent to Modern America. There you will find a treasure beyond all imagination, this is what you will need to retrieve for me to return to your time, and to you Emily. Fail, and you will be stuck in that horrible dimension for the rest of your feeble life. Succeed and your men will find you at sea, and before the setting of the sun you will be in your Emily's arms again.


P. S. You'll know the treasure when you see it, I promise.

and with that Pirate Jack set out on his journey into America.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 21st, 2001 08:44 am (UTC)
i think you smoked a little too much crack last night, joe...

drugs are bad! drugs are BAD!

Jul. 21st, 2001 11:43 am (UTC)
actually, this is what happenes when Covalence and I just start having a conversation... if I post any more about Pirate Jack it will get even better!
Jul. 21st, 2001 09:11 am (UTC)
Hey now
Yeahy Pirate jack ... Don't forget the Bus Driver!!! Yeahy!!!!
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


Joe Black

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